Learn to speak Labour

I've been watching the Labour conference news coverage and have noted a number of key statements that are consistently repeated by those attending. Since they are all in Labour speak, I have helpfully translated them into English. Below are the top 10 statements, along with their translations:

• Key aid quits to spend more time with his family – key aid quits over lack of competence and decency in Corbyn’s team
• Labour are a leave party – people are leaving to join the Lib Dems
• Labour are doing well – Corbyn has record minus 60% approval rating
• We are for the many, not the few – we alienate many people and get few votes
• We have a candidate for Prime Minister – Hilary Benn
• Sitting on the fence worked for Harold Wilson – we love the 1970s
• Labour are leading the country – this fence is comfortable
• Labour are bringing together Leavers and Remainers – they are uniting to abandon Labour
• We demand a general election – we are terrified of an election
• We hate Tom Watson and want to scrap his job - we hate Tom Watson and want to scrap his job