Calvin Lawson is Labour's failed candidate in Low Fell, Gateshead. His attempts to snatch Low Fell from the Lib Dems in previous elections have not exactly been beacons of success. As he drifts further and further behind the Lib Dems, what could he possibly do to turn around his fortunes so he can realistically mount a challenge in the ward? Well, don't try this at home, but Mr Lawson's election leaflet has taken the need to get noticed to the extreme. He informs the good people of Low Fell that "Calvin is actively involved in everything from street crime to bake sales."
Yes, you read it correctly, his leaflet does say he is not only "involved" but is "actively involved" in "street crime"! Oh dear, no doubt this is just an embarrassing error for everyone to read on the front page of his election leaflet. Quite how Mr Lawson and his hapless agent Cllr Leigh Kirton managed to miss this glaring statement leaves me scratching my head. Assuming the statement is not true, and that he meant to say that he is "fighting street crime" (at least I hope that is what he is trying to say), what next for Mr Lawson's campaign? I assume it is too late for a change of agent (and we would encourage Mr Lawson very strongly to keep Leigh Kirton in place).
So, is it time for the shredding machine to be brought into use? If it is, can I have the shredded paper for bedding for my livestock? At least that way, Mr Lawson's leaflet will at last serve a useful purpose.
Meanwhile, I must read up the Lib Dems' policies on the rehabilitation of offenders actively involved in street crime. After their punishment, we must ensure they can be turned into something useful to society.